


It's not just Pentaday

by Lisalicious



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: BB-8 stays home, Camping in the jungle, Fluff and Angst, Galactic Standard Days of the Week, Kylo has mostly non-graphic off camera bad memories/flashbacks and nightmares, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-06
Updated: 2017-02-06
Packaged: 2018-09-22 09:07:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9599438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lisalicious/pseuds/Lisalicious
Summary: Poe has planned a surprise getaway, which in theory is great, but Kylo has a lot of bad memories that he needs to work past.





	

Kylo had been surprised and confused when Poe came home telling him he’d arranged for the Knight to have the last few days off before the normally scheduled break from training. He was surprised when Poe instructed him to pack for warm, humid weather, and to make sure he packed for rain as well. He was surprised when he woke up the next morning to find his Pilot packing food and making a quick breakfast. 

Within an hour they had boarded a small shuttle and flying to some unknown (to Kylo, anyways) location, minus Poe’s beloved droid.  Poe explained that it had been BB-8′s idea to give them time alone. This pleased Kylo, not that he minded the droid, but he was looking forward to having Poe all to himself for days on end.

A few hours later they reached their surprise destination of Yavin IV, and Kylo felt a mix of trepidation and excitement. He’d spent years on the moon when he was younger. He had some wonderful memories, mostly revolving around Poe. And he had a passel of terrible memories, mostly revolving around his Jedi training.

He never felt at peace there, though peace was the one thing he’d been instructed to find. He’d always felt like an outcast, and the other student treated him poorly. His parents had abandoned him there when they found out that a powerful Darksider had taken up residence in his mind. His Uncle seemed to work and push him harder than any of his other students. And he failed…oh, how he failed at everything. And the walls, they would close in. And he would reach for the light, but it would slip away, as would the peaceful feelings, and the calm. He’d be left with fear and anger and pain the constant reminder of pain…He couldn’t go back to the temple. Not after what he’d been through. Not after what he had done…He couldn’t, he couldn’t…he couldn’t…

He felt a hand squeeze his knee. He hadn’t realized he’d closed his eyes and was squeezing them shut in an attempt to block out the memories. He hadn’t realized his breathing had turned ragged. He hadn’t realized he’d curled in on himself.

“Ky?” He wasn’t back there. He was with Poe on the shuttle. “Kylo, baby, are you okay?”

He needed to open his eyes, he needed to respond. He couldn’t let the memories and flashbacks ruin whatever Poe had planned for them. Kylo knew that Poe would never force him to go anywhere that he didn’t want to. He knew they weren’t going near the place that still held a feature spot in his nightmares.

“I…I’m okay…it’s just…”

“I know it as a risk bringing you home like this, but I promise we won’t go anywhere near where you trained. I thought we could stop at the Farm for tonight, then go out camping. But if you’d rather not we could find a cabin on one of the smaller resort planets…”

“No…I’m sorry. I’ll be fine. Just flashbacks. It’s…it will be fine, Poe. Let’s go see your dad.”

Plus Kylo had a question he needed to ask Kes if he could get to him when Poe was out of the room or asleep or something. And it would do him good to sit under the Force tree, especially after the flashback he just had.

Poe grabbed his hand and squeezed it. Kylo couldn’t help the bit of guilt he felt that he’d already done something to spoil their surprise vacation.

***

The next morning they packed up one of Kes’s speeders, and they left to find an old path that Poe had enjoyed exploring before he’d become a pilot. Kylo couldn’t remember if they’d ever come out this way when they were young.

Poe pulled the speeder into the shade of the trees at the edge of a small clearing. Kylo helped him unload and stow it for their return journey.

Kylo was feeling even guiltier that he had when they arrived on the planet the day before. He tried to keep the feeling of dread at bay as they talked and laughed with Kes, but it was there in the back of his mind. Being back on this planet with the presence of the Force all around them and ghosts of his past looming every time he turned around put him extremely on edge. He did manage to go meditate a bit under the Force tree, and he did manage to talk to Kes without Poe overhearing. But once he went to sleep the nightmares started. He only woke his boyfriend up once with his thrashing and screaming before he decided to sleep in the screened in porch. He accidently snapped at Kes in the morning over breakfast because he was exhausted. And to top everything off he dropped the box of food on his own foot, unable to concentrate enough to catch it with the Force.

“Babe, are you sure?” Poe asked before they started their trek through the jungle. “We don’t have to do this.”

“Poe, you went to all the trouble planning, and I…it will be good for me to face this…it’s nothing I can’t handle. Please, let’s go.”

“I’m just worried about you. You haven’t had a bad night like this in a long time.”

“I’M FINE, POE!” Kylo snapped, then grimaced. “Look, I’m sorry. I…I want to be here. I want to do this with you. I just have terrible memories of this place, and add that to the wild fluctuations I’m feeling through the Force? I’m just on edge, and once we get to where you want to camp…I’ll be fine. I promise.”

“You don’t have any good memories from Yavin?” Poe sounded so sad all of a sudden. He looked over at the shorter man who now appeared on the verge of tears.

_SHIT!_  Now he did that to Poe.

 “Of course, I do. And they all involve you. Now, please…let’s go.”

“Yeah, okay.”

Poe didn’t look at him as they turned to leave.

***

Kylo’s mood continued to darken throughout the morning. The trek through the jungle happened to be the best part for him. The temperature was already rising unbearably, the camping packs were heavy, and the trail was difficult. Kylo got lost in the work and physicality it took, and it helped center him.

Then he realized that Poe hadn’t said a word in over an hour. That was troubling to the Knight because Poe, a naturally social person, never seemed to stop talking unless he was upset about something.

 And Kylo was certain the drop in Poe’s mood centered around him. He wasn’t sure what he could do or say currently to make it better, so he said nothing instead.

Poe brought them to a small clearing, and they set up their campsite in silence. Kylo took care of the tent while Poe dug out a small pit for fires and cooking along with organizing the food, and setting a couple camp chairs up for them.

When Kylo had everything in the tent set up property, he left it to find Poe starting a fire. It was a bit early to cook anything for lunch, and it was hot out (Kylo felt like he as melting, and under normal circumstances he would love how Poe’s shirt was clinging to his back with sweat) so the Knight raised an eyebrow about it. He went over to sit in one of the chairs to watch.

“Do you know what day this is, Kylo?” Poe asked quietly, almost like he was afraid to ask.

“Uh…Pentaday?” Kylo answered without thinking. Why did the pilot feel the need to ask?

Poe seemed to deflate.

“No…just…forget I asked.”

“What? Poe, I-“

“I said forget it, Ky!”

“Fine!” Kylo huffed as he stood. “I’ll be back later.”

“Fine!” Poe snapped in return. He signed, then added. “Just…be back for lunch, okay?”

“Yeah…we’ll see.”

***

Kylo wandered around, and lost track of time. He wasn’t lost by any means. Every once in a while he’d recognize a tree, a rock, a clearing, a view. He’d definitely been around this part of the planet with Poe. It helped, remembering his younger times with his boyfriend. He felt the clutch that the other memories had on him since they broke atmosphere the day before give way. Suddenly the Knight could breathe again.

He smiled.

And he thought about Poe. He’d loved Poe so much then, when they ran around these forests, and hid from their parents, and played in the trees and streams, and he snuck off from training. And he loved that Poe would bring him back here, now that he worked past the nightmares and bad memories. It somehow reminded him of how his mind cleared when knew he needed to leave the Order and _HIM_ , of how it felt to return.

He wanted Poe out there with him. To rediscover all these places and memories together…to return here together…return…

Kylo’s eyes went wide as he realized why in the Galaxy Poe had asked him if he knew what day it was. He needed to get back to camp now. So he turned and ran.

But Poe wasn’t there when he got back. Kylo panicked for a moment. He knew he’d been an asshole all morning, but he hoped to the Force that Poe hadn’t gotten fed up and left him there. Kylo dove into the tent to check for the Pilot’s pack, but it was still there. Good.

Then before he left the tent again, Kylo dug in his pack. He grinned when he found the ring he’d been carrying around for a couple months now, waiting for the right moment to ask Poe to marry him. This was a huge step for him really, since it took the other man close to a year to convince him that he was worthy of their relationship. Then the Pilot got shot down, and Kylo refused to leave his side ever again.

Kylo flew out of the tent, and ran off in the direction he knew Poe had gone. If you asked him how he knew, he would have told you he could feel it. He could always feel his Pilot directly through the Force, even when he was gone he could feel him. So it was just a matter of catching up with him.

“Poe!” he called when he came to a stop, the Force telling him his lover was there.

“I was wondering if you would come and find me,” came Poe’s response from above him. Kylo looked up, and Poe sat rather high in the tree on a sturdy looking branch. “You never came back for lunch.”

From what Kylo could see Poe looked like he’d been crying.

“I know…I’m sorry.” Silence stretched between them, and Kylo could tell that Poe was still upset. A small apology wouldn’t fix this. But first… “Two years ago today I was retrieved from a neutral planet so I could come back home…by you.” He started to climb the tree, suddenly needing to be close to his Pilot.

He may have used the Force while he climbed, but he needed to get to Poe fast.

Poe gave him a watery smile as Kylo settled on the branch facing him.

“So, you remembered.” He sighed heavily.

“I did…I’m sorry, Poe. I know you put a lot of planning into this trip, and you wanted it to be special. And it is…I just needed to work past my bad memories to get to the good ones. I’m sorry I’ve been an ass since we got here.”

“I’m sorry I expected you to be automatically happy when we got here. I know that you have terrible memories of your life here. It was stupid of me to think that you would just not think about those times for our vacation. I know better than that. I know it’s not easy for you, and I expected it to be…I’m sorry.”

Kylo wrapped his hand around the back of Poe’s neck and kissed him softly.

“So…what if  we go back a bit and start this over?” Kylo asked against Poe’s lips.

“Alright…” Poe breathed. He slipped his arms around his boyfriend’s waist and did his best to pull him closer. “Kylo, do you know what day this is?”

“I do. It’s the day you brought me home. The day you found out the hell I’d been through. The day you looked at me differently than anyone ever had in years. Two years ago today I fell in love with you all over again.”

“Yeah?” Poe had a warm smile on his face now. “Well, it’s also the day I brought the love of my life back home. See I never stopped loving you after you left, and I knew if I got the chance to get you back I’d do everything I could to keep you.”

“I didn’t realize that would include getting shot down.” Kylo teased.

“Well, you know that I’m very dedicated to things I believe in. And I believe in us, but you kept trying to run away. I needed to do something drastic to get you to stay.”

“Well, it worked. And I’m never going to leave or run away again.”

“Good.”

“So why here, why today?”

“Because I wanted this to be a day we remembered for special reasons.”  
  
“And you bringing me home wasn’t enough?” Kylo teased again.

“Ass. No…well, I suppose, yes, but I wanted to give us another reason to remember it, and keep it. Celebrate it forever.”

“What are we going to celebrate, Poe?”

Kylo gave Poe an open look that was all eyes, and Poe had a difficult time looking at him. The Pilot pulled one of his hands back to dig something out of a pocket. Then he leaned back, away from him.

“Kylo Organa Solo…I love you. I love you more that my droid, and more than my x-wing…to me you’re everything, you’re the air I breath, and the ground I walk on, and the water I drink, and the food I eat, and the space I fly in. You’re everything and I love you and I was wondering…if you…if you would…maybe think about…marrying me?”

Kylo pulled back enough to see that Poe was holding a black jeweled gold ring. He blinked as tears filled  his eyes.

“Poe…”

The color left Poe’s face as he suddenly started to panic. Kylo didn’t immediately say yes…

“Please! Please, don’t say no. I need you…I can’t lose you again. I-“

Kylo stopped Poe with a finger to his lips. Then Kylo pulled out the ring he’d been carrying for Poe.

“You won’t lose me again, Poe. See I’ve had this for a while, trying to figure out when would be the best time to ask you to marry me. And being here, with you, and remembering how we used to be…I knew it was right. See, I love you, too, Commander Poe Dameron, and I intend to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Poe released a shaky breath as he reached to touch the offered ring (similar to the one he had for Kylo: black jewels in a design around the gold band.) His hand trembled.

“So…that’s a yes, then?”

Kylo pulled Poe close again and kissed him like he needed that kiss more than he needed air to breath.

“Yes…it’s definitely a yes!”

**Author's Note:**

> Galactic days of the week for your viewing (er, reading) pleasure: Monoday, Duoday, Triday, Quadday, Pentaday, Hexaday, and Heptaday
> 
> And I'm on tumblr...@delisalicious...so...yeah...


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